Once In A While
by s. du jour
Summary: Written for Belwight's Best Non-Canon Couple Contest. AU in terms of what happened after New Moon. Het pairing.


**Okay, so I posted, removed, reposted this. Complicated thing, long story short, I'm back to having one account now. Most of you probably didn't even know I had a second one. Anyway. It's still not edited, unfortunately, but I'll never say never. Side note: it's inspired me to do a 'vampire loving a werewolf' thing which I thought was totally original at the time, but, ha. This is what comes of not reading vampire novels AT ALL. Still, I'm a Christian, so the end result could be _interesting_, to say the least. It wouldn't be for a while off yet, though.**

**Set during Eclipse, just after the battle, at La Push. Written for Belwight's best non-canon couple contest. Check it out.**** Also, even if you don't do non-canon, I'd love a review.**

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Once in a while, in the midst of every argument, every time the half-human wolves must meet the vampires, they'll slink off to the side, unnoticed. And they'll talk about everything and nothing, in two brief seconds even, because sometimes that's all they have until the next time everyone is thrown together.

That's how it's been today, in a battle bigger than anything he thought possible—he knew things like this existed, but there's a difference between picturing something in your mind and having it happen to you. And in a way, it's changed his perception of things. The world seems bigger, somehow, and he feels hope for the first time in months. Hope that this could work out.

The thing is, sometimes he notices her short hair. His hope diminishes again, just by thinking about it. He knows that she has to cope with what life's given her and he feels sorry for her. He knows she never wanted it this way—to be so close to someone who knows whatever she's thinking. And she can't get away from it, not even now, when she's in love for a second cautious time.

But then again, both spurned by love they thought was eternal, lasting, he can't wonder at her cautiousness, and nor can he wonder at his own. If the one who said she loved him now wants another, then finally, all he can do is try to forget, to move on. And if the one who said he loved her rejected her, then who can blame her for turning to someone completely unexpected?

Even if the pain cuts deepest because they're unintended victims, both of them know that they have to pick what's left of their pieces up and carry on sometime. And 'sometime' might as well be now, because, for his part, he's beginning to know that he might have found a true soulmate, and he's sure she feels the same, because she can't hide anything from him.

A little like the wolves, he's not going to play Beta for a girl who doesn't want him in her life. He's going to be somebody's Alpha. Maybe not her first love, but certainly first in her life.

***

So now he's sitting here because she asked him to, and he holds her on his lap and in his arms under a tree, though it's broad daylight, bright and clear, and anyone could see them if they cared to go looking. Either of them could hear if anyone comes, though, so the danger of being seen is no danger at all. He stares at her flawless skin and long eyelashes, though not for a moment does he believe that's all there is to her, and she strokes his hair, gazing sleepily into his dark eyes.

In these brief moments, he can daydream of times to come when they can sit like this, until he realises that she's half asleep with wasted adrenaline and she's so tired that she might have wanted them to be together an hour ago, but she doesn't realise what she's doing right now. And he's only holding her until the wounded are healed, so this time is precious for them.

It's longer than a few minutes.

Then she pulls his head down and kisses him on the cheek, soft and sweet, and fireworks are going off in his brain as he realises that she knows exactly what's happening, no matter how tired she is. And she's not going to jump in any faster than a first chaste kiss on the cheek will allow because she's been hurt far more deeply than anyone could understand. Anyone but him, because he's felt it too. He knows what it's like not to quite believe in trust anymore. Underneath it all, she's still lost and lonely.

And yet she kissed him, which has to mean she trusts him _somehow_, right? This is her careful way of saying 'thankyou'. Thankyou for being there for me. Thankyou for taking me, with all my flaws and all my anger. Thankyou for loving me. Thankyou because you hated what you were from the moment you knew what was happening, and I hated what I was the first time he heard my thoughts. Thankyou because we can be monsters together.

They have to enjoy this while they can, because he knows that everyone will find out some day when the pack is together again, and thoughts are, even for one brief moment, out of control. And that day could be any day. Any day, their life could be dragged out into the open.

And what will they think? What will they do? He's decided he won't care. And he knows she's already made up her mind to do what she believes is right. She'll stay with him. She's always been strong-willed. He's glad.

***

First love, and he'd thought it was meant to be. It's the way it should be in a perfect world.

But this world isn't perfect—for one thing, look how they ended up together.

And anyway, this is far harder than the first time. This love is real love, and while she's had practice before it was cruelly wrenched away, he only thought he was in love the first time 'round.

She's older than him, too. It's one of those things that doesn't matter to him, but it bothers her a little. Still, that's okay, because they have their differences, and he knows that she wouldn't swap him for anything.

Sometimes they sit together where no-one can find them and they wonder if they would have been better off if life had worked out with first loves in favour. Aloud, because whatever her shape, he can always tell what she's thinking, and it's fairer to her not to keep his own secrets. And eventually they decide that, yes, they might have been happy if things had worked out the way they should. But they keep thinking, and then they agree that sometimes everything works out just as well, if not better: it just takes a little longer to get there.

Someone calls, "Leah!" and she looks into his eyes, telling him without speaking, but with something approaching certainty, that she has to go now, but not to worry, they'll have eternity together to find each other out and her heart will never stop beating for him.

And he winks at her as she leaves, because now he's contemplating the easy part: he'll never want her blood, no matter how thirsty he is, and he can hold her however hard he wants, and if ever he somehow hurts her, she'll heal easy, without even a scar to remind him of his mistake. And she'll understand who he is, and what he's thinking; she'll show him who he is meant to be. And he'll do the same for her. So they can start on a journey that will take them through the good times and the hard times, but always the best times.

When she finally leaves, Edward sits, frozen in position, but inside, he's melting. The girl with the boiling blood has stayed in his lap long enough that his skin is almost warm again.

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**Ha. You thought it was Jacob and Leah, didn't you? Thinking over this, I don't think Leah and Edward are such a great pairing unless Edward changes his stalkerish, stick-in-the-mud ways. My personal opinion is that Leah is the best character in the whole series, but feel free to disagree.**

**So I never thought I'd stoop this low, but I'm going to post the song lyrics that made me think of the title. They're from 'Once in a While' by Kasey Chambers & Shane Nicholson. It's sort of very emo-folk/roots/country, which is cool purely because it's eclectic. They don't even match the story unless you think of the whole Bella-leaving-Edward thing, but I'll put them in anyway.**

**-If I wasn't all you wanted. If I wasn't even close. I only hope that I made you smile. Maybe more than once in a while.-**


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